How to get rid of the feeling that no one is listening

Have you ever had the feeling that no one is listening to you? If you're human (which you probably are as a reader of this post), then you certainly know the feeling.

It is not a new phenomenon. The process of human communication has been the subject of studies for centuries — Aristotle's oldest known communication model dates back to 300 BC.

Working in HR doesn't exactly make your life easier. If all these philosophers, scientists and communication experts have been unable to agree over the years, how are you supposed to know the perfect formula in addition to everything else you do?! (And as an HR manager, I know you're doing a lot.)

But that doesn't mean you simply can't listen and communicate. Everyone knows that listening is the heart and soul of a (good) HR department. If you've been doing this job for a while, you're probably pretty good at it already. You are able to identify problems early on and have learned to trust your gut feeling.

Gut feeling. Try to convince someone with just a gut feeling. If you're not working with one of these rare people who blindly trusts those around him, you'll most likely run your head against the wall over and over again. And that's certainly annoying — but it's also a real problem, and a particularly bad one when you work in HR.

You don't just have to listen to people. You also have to get people to listen to other people. But above all, managers must listen to employees. And this is where it really gets difficult.

In all of my time in HR, I've never met an HR manager who wasn't confronted with situations in which leadership and employees seemed to speak a completely different language. Not surprisingly, this leads to conflict, frustration, and pain.

Does that sound familiar to you?

I bet you don't even need HR experience to get a queasy feeling about that description. You've already experienced this. Many times in your life, I suppose. Because that's what pretty much every unfulfilled human relationship feels like.

So how can you change that?

You start with fulfilling human relationships build.

We have been wearing masks at work for many years. Strangely enough, HR, with its principles, policies, and proven processes, was and is responsible for what we should wear, when we should speak, and how we should behave.

You know that.

I know that.

And yet I didn't go to HR to write guidelines — I'm actually a lawyer who left law because she couldn't stand it there. I admit that I ended up in the HR department quite by accident. But what made me stick with it, and what I love more every day, is the “human being.” Because humans are strange, chaotic and complex. Our brain and soul function in ways that are still completely unknown to even the most brilliant scientists. As a result, so are our relationships.

So how can we build fulfilling relationships? We create a space where people can ask other people questions. If possible, right next to each other. If logistics don't allow it, ask the questions yourself — and make sure to document them so that other people also benefit from them. As in any other non-professional relationship, you create connections by asking the simple, honest question:

What do you want?